As I Was Saying...

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and thanks for sticking with the speeches so far, instead of running off to the bar, sneaking out for a fag or finding absolutely anything else you’d rather be doing… believe me, if I’d have thought just a little bit quicker when Chris asked me to be his best man, I could be where you are right now; sitting comfortably, relaxing after a free meal, getting slightly tipsy, and not having to worry about standing up here, trying to be funny, clever AND sincere, without offending or upsetting anyone. Except the groom, of course… I’d like to thank Chris for his kind remarks about the bridesmaids, who of course look perfectly lovely, and have managed to pull off that most difficult of jobs, of looking and behaving immaculately, whilst not outshining the bride. Talking of the bride, I hope you’ll all agree that Melissa looks absolutely beautiful today, in a fabulous dress which she makes look totally stunning. I’m sure David and Jenny are rightly

If I live to witness the moment aliens land, hear that an asteroid is coming to wipe us all out, or the sun actually explodes and engulfs planet earth (which is most definitely blue today...), none of these events will affect me the way today's news has, that David Bowie has died. I, like approximately 99% of the people rushing to praise/eulogise or commiserate over him, didn't know the man; his private life is the stuff of legend, and there are plenty of biographies available to anyone interested in that side of his life. I only know the public persona of the man who came to define what popular music means to me; how he makes me feel, how I've seen him affect those around me, and how, knowing that he's gone, leaves me feeling like the world just got a little bit smaller and less interesting. The songs speak for themselves (and yes, I do include The Laughing Gnome, which managed to finally make me cry for the wrong reasons this morning...); this isn't going

So Gaz had an idea…. How about a bunch of Bob-loving guys decided to grow beards? How about those same guys got sponsored to do so? And they raised money for Cancer Research UK?        And they had a mass shave-off to coincide with the anniversary of Bob’s birthday? Complete with progress pictures, shearing party, online sponsorship (JustGiving.com)? If this sounds like the sort of thing you’d like to be involved in, get commenting and we’ll put together a fundraising beard-wearing... TEAM BOB! https://www.justgiving.com/teams/BeardsForBob B.A.Q. (Beardly Asked Questions…)     1.      The commitment for this endeavour is to not shave, groom , snip , tidy or otherwise fetter the growth of h

The accepted wisdom when it comes to friends, is that they come in and out of your life exactly when you need them, often at moments of great personal upheaval or change;   when you first start school, for instance, when you start a new job, or when you’re looking for companions to go on a quest to a remote mountain wherein lie untold riches…It is also to be expected that our social circles expand and contract over time, often in tune with our patience or tolerance levels becoming increasingly tested.     Well, somebody forgot to tell any of this (except perhaps the bit about the mountain) to a group of 13 year old boys back in 1983 who were thrown together into one big, scary high school. Some of us came to The Leys with friendships already established; Barry, Jon,   Spod,   Staz   & I were   Dinglesiders   through and through, whereas Gary, Stevie P, Stevie C and Simon came up from Lodge Farm, both groups of high achievers, captains of industry and sporting gods to a man...in

He didn’t look like this any more; this is a picture from a very long time ago, when we were all a lot younger, thinner, hairier and nicer to each other.   He was told at the beginning of this year that the stomach pains he’d been having, that he was being tested for gallstones for, were not in fact gallstones, but were in fact big tumours of cancer, in lots of places, all around his body. And they weren't some hither-to unknown cancer that made your skin shiny and healthy, made you more attractive to the opposite sex, lucky on the lottery or anything like that; oh no, this was the cancer we all know and loathe, the life ending, trauma-causing, shitty-wank-bastard kind of cancer. I saw him at Christmas, when our dwindling circle of old school friends met up for a seasonal drink and meal, which he attended, but didn’t eat or drink anything, due to the pain he was in, caused, he was being told, by gallstones. He was having a scan in late January to determine the scale of the prob